Friday, November 18, 2016

Taste the Fall Harvest. Taste it.

My job can be catalogued by its wealth of tiny, mundane hells.

One of which is cooking.

When I cook with the students, when I supervise the slow, ragged chopping of onions for crock pot chili, or the sloppy skewering of mini wieners to be laid out in raw dough caskets, my soul strains against its bony cage and yearns to be free.

So I was not pleased when my coworkers ordered me to supervise a group of kids making applesauce.

They were going to some staff-only "Taste the Fall Harvest" potluck, and they'd forgotten to bring a dish.

I told them I wanted nothing to do with any of it, but my fellow paraprofessionals have recently decided they are in charge of me, and can make me do whatever they want. 

This has opened the door to all kinds of passive-aggressive wackiness.

Two hours later, they came back to check on us and were horrified when I presented them with a large bowl of hot lumpy cider.

"How could this have happened?" they wailed. 

Here is the recipe: 

 









"I mean, it's applesauce, but it's really loose applesauce. It just falls right through the strainer," one of them observed, barely concealing the rising panic in her voice.

I thought of the German durchfall, literally "to fall through", but also their word for diarrhea.

"We can't bring this to Taste the Fall Harvest. It's embarrassing. It's got like chunks or something in it."

They served it to the students instead. Everyone sat around drinking applesauce from cups.

"Mmm....nice and warm," someone commented.

"Spicy."

People asked for seconds.

I glanced down at my mugful of the stuff, cooling and untouched, and smiled.

There was no way in hell I was going to drink it.

7 comments:

  1. Insert a toothpick into the applesauce. If it comes out clean, you are magical.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your coworkers have some gall! Durchfall, indeed. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just came back to read this again. Your blogsmanship is outstanding.

    ReplyDelete
  4. In time with the right yeast it will become hard apple cider.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks for the comments guys! I really appreciate you taking the time to read these silly things.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the post. I really appreciate you taking the time to share these silly and good things with us.Happy for that.The main reason for difficlty to write an essay is that English,which is one of the most demanding tasks students face.Students should have to maximise their academic potential for writing in English best.You will get academic writing process from start to finish, and practices all the key writing skills by taking best essay writing service help.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It was a new information for me. The way of presenting the serious matters in the form of fun makes the mind free and help to escape from the depressions.
    thesis writing service

    ReplyDelete