A long time ago, I had an idea for a children's book.
Like most of my ideas, it fizzled.
Here is the anthology edition. Most were posts from years ago, but I threw in a new one at the end.
These were funny to me back in the early 2010's, but now, I feel all uncertain and stuff.
But maybe you guys will like them.
Thomas is often sad.
He feels like every day is not very good.
Thomas wishes he had a friend.
One day he saw someone new at the toy store.
She was so beautiful, but Thomas had no money.
Suddenly, the toy store has a drawing. Thomas enters it.
He really wants to win Beautiful Friend.
Oh. You didn't win, Thomas.
One day, Thomas went to the beach.
The lifeguard said "No robots allowed!" Then he made a muscle.
Thomas went back home.
One day, Thomas met a friend.
Perry's differences made him special.
Perry liked to make Thomas do things.
Thomas was so happy, he wanted to sing a song.
If you're happy and you know it-
Clap your hands!
One night, Thomas was sleeping.
His fairy godmother appeared.
"Make a wish,Thomas," she whispered.
Thomas wished for a real Mommy and Daddy.
She said okay and rode off on her steed.
Thomas's Mommy and Daddy were even better than he imagined.
They snuggled in bed with him.
They shielded him from dragons.
One night, a different fairy godmother brought Thomas's parents a real baby.
And the happy family forgot all about Thomas.
Thomas was so lonely that his coworkers took him to a place to meet friends.
They made him talk to two blonde women.
They were smiling but inside they were thinking eeeewwww.
The bouncer asked if this man was bothering them.
His coworkers decided to leave.
Before he could be pounded, a voice said stop.
She was the most beautiful woman Thomas had ever seen.
He felt like his whole life had been leading to her.
She put him on her lap, gave him ice cream, and assured him that they would be together forever.
Then she leaned in very close and put her lips together in a way that Thomas was not used to.
Suddenly Little Carlos leapt onto her shoulder, announcing that theez wumun was heez.
He kept saying march march and she had to walk away.
The bouncer helped Thomas to leave.
Thomas woke up and saw that it had snowed.
His mother told him to go outside because it's so fun out there.
Thomas felt discouraged. Winter things took too long to put on.
After several hours, he was finally dressed.
The snow was cold and unforgiving.
Thomas became trapped.
His mother thought it was super funny to watch.
Thomas whispered 'so c-c-cold' to himself and coughed weakly.
After a little while, he didn't make any more sounds.