Saturday, September 6, 2014

Homecoming










The first week of school is student-free; we spend it in meetings and sessions where we break out from a big group into small groups and discuss many important things. 

Someone has to be the presenter and someone else is the writer-downer on a big white pad of paper. Everyone yells out ideas as the writer-downer says, "Wait, wait-say that again" or "maybe that should go in this column."

I got picked to be a presenter, but when my turn came up, I choked in front of all those people and just restated the original question as a statement instead. Some people nodded their heads, and the discussion coordinator squinted thoughtfully and said, "True, true.."

They moved on.

In the afternoon session, the school nurse showed us an instructional film about a medication called Diastat Acudial Rectal Delivery System. 

The pretty spokesmodel in the video kept saying the entire name of the medication every time; it really disrupted the cadence of her speech and came across as forced and artificial. 

Someone snickered when a simple drawing of a rectum appeared on the screen, and this made the school nurse angry. She paused the video and stood in front of us, red-faced.

"You guys, this is serious! Diastat Acudial Rectal Delivery System has saved lives. I have a student now who would probably be dead without it. It takes four people to get the medicine in him: one to spread the right buttock, one to spread the left buttock, one to hold his body steady, and one to insert the medication. It's not pretty, but it works." She sat back down.

I wondered if the person who had laughed felt guilty, but they were somewhere behind me so I could not scrutinize their face for traces of remorse. Maybe they were biting the inside of their cheek to keep themselves from finding the word "buttock" too hilarious.

The video started up again, and an unfortunate looking couple from Texas gave their testimonial about how well Diastat Acudial Rectal Delivery System works.


School is now under way.

Despite all my complaining, I am happy to be back in my old room and free from Ms.Pam.

I am not sure how much longer this blog will trudge along for, as just getting this post done was like pulling teeth, but hopefully I'll make it less then a month between updates.

Anyways, in the words of one of my new students, I like Taylor Swift, who wants to be my friend?

17 comments:

  1. Hubs and I are about to go on vacation this week. I think this is how I'll feel when I head back to work afterward. Maybe I should try redirecting the conversation to Diastat Acudial Rectal Delivery Systems whenever a customer is being difficult...

    As for post frequency, I'd be thrilled to hit a bi-monthly schedule at this point. Posting anything is better than nothing, right? (This is where you say, "Right!" and we both skip merrily away feeling productive.)

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  2. Oh my. I would rather be homeless than do what you do. I just now saw that I put do .... do in my sentence, i am sorry. I just published cannibal jokes and dreams a few minutes ago if you need some hilarity.

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    1. Hi esb-to be honest I have it really really easy compared to the majority of people who work in this field, I just complain a lot. I will look at your cannibal jokes.

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  3. Write once a month, once a week, once every two months, once a year...whatever. I'm the queen of blog quitting, so the fact that you're still writing at all makes my heart happy. Whenever I see a post from you in my blog reader, it's the first thing I click on!

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    1. Hey thanks Stephanie-I miss your little clay creations

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  4. You made my Monday! (Better, you made my Monday better.) I don't have a quarter-mile of bratwurst for you, but I also don't have a rectal delivery system for you. I think it evens out. thanks for posting! Awesome storytelling, as always.

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    1. Thank you Queniff-I would say in some strange relational way it does work out

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  5. Heeeeewwwo!

    Back to school is always so bitter sweet. And in your case, I'm not going to sugar coat it, poop water sounds....whelp, shitty.

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    1. Hey Lola, its hard to sugar coat poop water without coming across as disingenuous

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  6. Freedom from Miss Pam? Well, that's something to celebrate. However, celebrating with Diastat Acudial Rectal Delivery System does NOT seem like the thing to do. Ick.

    Post when you are able. I always enjoy your tales.

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    1. Thanks scousewife, I cannot imagine any aspect of it that would feel like a celebration

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  7. Me! me! I want to be your friend - us Aussies are a real friendly lot, poison and all!
    It doesn't matter when you write - it's all beautiful and worth your pain for our enjoyment :)

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    1. Julie I keep missing the window to respond to your comments so I made sure to reply right away. Thanks for the nice comment. I am sure you are friendly, despite some of your questionable exports

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  8. Dogs R 4 Work made me smile

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  9. Wow, I left a comment and it vanished. So if there are two then, well, there are two. The gist was this - I'm still reading all your stuff even when you speak of poo water. Also I like that Texan couple they are excellent.

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    1. Hi Bridgette!!!! So glad you still read it.Thanks for the nice comment

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