Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Life with Father

I figure my children are at the age now where their linear memory of events is starting to fall into place.

This means they will remember me from here on out, so it's time to start considering my legacy.

The long shadow I cast over their lives should be a smart one, so I let them find me reading tomes or standing around in quiet contemplation.

It's hard to sound much smarter then when you say 'yes' interrogatively. All the embarrassment you should be feeling is just kind of thrown back on the other person when you say, 'yes?' like that.

After writing this down, I felt uncertain  of myself and said 'yes?' to the empty room around me. Far from making me feel smart, it made me feel crazy.

Having spent a life time being mistaken for a deep thinker, I feel I have perfected my stance of quiet contemplation. 

When the weight of my thoughts becomes especially unbearable, it's time to put one hand on the wall for support.

This is how I want my children to remember me when I'm dead.

My wife does some things that really get in the way of my legacy, however.

She is kind of the Biff to my Willie.

Part of the problem is that when she sees a ridiculous dance or facial expression, she insists that I reproduce it for the amusement of the entire family.

Now I am not spineless, or lacking in self-determination, but when someone commands you to make an ass out of yourself, you do it. It's just how I was raised.



  1. I'm with you, man. Buffoonery is the coin of my realm also. I ate a cricket once to amuse my daughter. Can't let daddy's little girl down on her wedding day, right?

  2. Oh man! Great job drawing Benny. I don't know if Mrs. Gweenbrick doesn't appreciate this post, I found the Wiggles references very funny. Your dead body is quite svelte, I hope you don't die of starvation. I would be interested in the back story for dead Gweenbrick's claw foot. It must have been your willingness to get a laugh that lead your sons to become the three stooges for your funeral.

    1. It was supposed to be a robotic prosthetic foot, but I flubbed the drawing. It must be related to why my dead body is so skinny, but I am not sure of the connection. I didn't even realize the three stooges resemblance, though. I like that.

  3. A lost battle is really a battle one thinks one has lost.

  4. Besides "Yes" you could also use the word "interrogatively" interrogatively. My smart phone reaLLy isn't (smart) because it tried to auto correct interrogatively three times.

    1. Okay I finaLLy made it back to read the rest of your blog post... interesting process of aging your children into the future by maintaining the same color clothing. I got into a recent silly fabulously fun argument with my son over the humorous quality of a cartoon, single frame, that I virtuaLLy drew for him which he thought was unfunny,,, but I continue to annoy him on an infrequent basis with versions of the punchline, usuaLLy by texting. Hope you are surviving what I expect is a brutal winter for you but I am not exactly sure what your location is. Texas has been rather the opposite of the rest of the country.

  5. Hahaha - 'I could never tell them apart'
    You are so brave to let yourself imagine what your children might say over your casket and...
    there's always too much gluten at funerals.

  6. Just wanted to say that I read your blog quite frequently and I’m always amazed at some of the stuff people post here. But keep up the good work, it’s always interesting.

  7. I enjoyed reading your article and found it to be informative and to the point. Thank you for not rambling on and on just to fill the page.