Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Pornographic Parent

Parenting blogs get a lot of attention these days.

I like attention, so this is a parenting blog now I guess.

I threw the word "pornographic" in there because I am not too picky about where my attention comes from.

My children can be kind of annoying.

For instance, they do this thing where they laugh at each other and tattle on each other simultaneously.

He means "inappropriate" body, which I think refers to his underwear.


Bun dances started when they were two and we laughed as they shook their very small bottoms.

Now it is just creepy and provocative.


They do other annoying things.

I have skin tags and I am not proud of them.



My children like to pull and stretch them in public.





I would get the skin tags removed, but I appreciate how they keep the kids entertained while I pay attention to other things.

It also bothers me that they react to my toplessness the same way they react to the toplessness of my wife.
 

When I go get the mail without a shirt on, you would think by their reaction that I was reenacting the famed ride of Lady Godiva.



Anyways, if I think of more ways I am an awesome parent, I will post them here soon.


20 comments:

  1. "The things they carried."

    Love it.

    Also? Kids are obnoxious. Especially boys. And there is literally nothing funnier to them than underwear. Truest story ever.

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    1. I thought you would like this post, as you are a bearer of boys yourself. Congrats on making the Funny Bitch All star team-have you gotten lots of new readers from that?

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  2. Ah, the bun dance. I am very familiar with this dance as I have seen it many times in my very own home. (Our boys also used to run down the hallway stark naked yelling "CHARGE"!!!) Being the mother of 2 young boys has introduced me to many flatulent, malodorous, profane, disgusting elements. It's all part of the charm, right?

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    1. Ha ha oh yes, the charm of it all. I think my wife's eyes are being opened to the ways of boys too. Its all very gross and body centered

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  3. Now you're going to have all these Mommy-Bloggers after you and they are going to force you to go to BlogHer and speak in front of thousands of women. Thats the way it works.

    All I can say is that when my 2-year-old burped, I should have never laughed when he announced that he "pooped wif my mouf!"

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    1. Yuck! Mouth poop! Ew. As for Blogher, I fear that my special ed content has not won me too many fans, and I cannot imagine I would be too popular of a figure in that environment.

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  4. I hoped my children would remain cute, but that role is now performed by Cooper, who in dog years is twice as old as them.

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    1. Cooper seems like a kindly soul. I like his name.

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  5. Oh my God, I just laughed so hard. I like the "re-branding." Hope it brings you gad of appalled new readers!

    (P.S. totally loved the baby's reaction "Yay!"...gems like these keep me loyal!)

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    1. Thanks Marianne! You are so nice. I will now go comment on your blog because you made me feel guilty shame.

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  6. It's things like this that make me look forward to being a parent someday (does that make me warped?). I already cackle with glee when my two-year-old nephew stops in the middle of doing something, puts his hands out like he's bracing himself, and announces in the most astonished voice ever "I'M POOPING!!" usually followed by "IT'S A BIG ONE!!"

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    1. That is hilarious. Yeah, if kids were not funny, they would really suck.

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  7. The drawings of your boys are awesome. I loved the "things they carried" reference as well. Genius!

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  8. Oh and by the way, did you really find a shogun warrior at a thrift store?!

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    1. Nope. Martin's dad did really get mad at me over something that happened with his son, but I can't write about it, so i made something up that gave me an excuse to draw a robot

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  9. I am currently trying to teach my 2 year old the bun dance, but if it does become provocative as they age as you say it does, I may quietly retire it and hope she forgets it before she turns 16 and starts sneaking into pubs on the weekends.

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  10. Ha ha! Yep that would be bad. Its amazing how many things fall into the "funny when they are two, pornographic when they are 16" category

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  11. Replies
    1. Thanks....Pervert Pete, if that is your real name

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