I don't want to brag or anything, but I have a pretty hot wife.
She is really easy to draw, too, because she has only two teeth and her hairline can always be accurately represented by the letter 'V'.
I met my hot wife when I was drunk at a party.
If you are in the market for a hot wife, try being drunk at a party.
Here are some other places I have seen hot wives:
-At a coffee shop
-One time at the grocery store
-At the library there was sort of one
-In one of my Japanese comic books that are called manga
-I drew one in my notebook. She looked like this:
If you were drunk at a party, you might have a chance with her, but I don't know. She has high standards, and she is also not a real person; it could get complicated.
Here are some problems I have run into because of having a hot wife:
-When she talks to me, I cannot pay attention to her words because I am only thinking about how hot she is
-I have trouble sleeping because I just want to lay and stare at her all night. Then I have to wake her up and ask her to change her facial expression because I am bored of looking at the current one.
-In pictures of us together, it looks like an angel standing next to a bowel movement. She is the angel in this example.
If I ever discovered my hot wife cheating on me, I would not even be mad.
It would just validate for me all the terrible things I have ever thought about myself, and I really enjoy being right.
However, as hot as my wife is, she has some secret drawbacks.
She likes a television program called "The Bachelor". I think it is a game show where prostitutes try to win the sexual attraction of a cardboard cut-out named "Brad".
Sometimes she wants to discuss with me what happened on "The Bachelor", even though I myself did not watch it.
I feel sad when this happens.
Another one of my hot wife's drawbacks is that men always stare at her and completely ignore me, which hurts my feelings because I have a hard time making friends, and I thought having a hot wife would be a good ice breaker but it hasn't worked out that way.
One time at the bus station, I asked a man if he would like to come home with me and sit and watch my hot wife talk and make dinner.
He called me an erotic name and attempted to kick me in my buttocks.
When I was drunk and met my wife for the first time at that party I mentioned, I gave her a bendy figure of Chewbacca as a token of my affection.
That is only one of many ways to get a hot wife.
I also let a few dollar bills "accidentally" fall out of my pocket. I then intimated that there was more where they had come from. I said I thought there might be seven or eight more anyways, and would that be enough to replace the rug I had urinated on when I could not get my pants down in time.
Then I tried to suggestively rub her hot hair with one leg of my wet trousers. She said yuck and stop it, which is what hot women say when they want to marry you.
Because old people are ugly, I know that one day, my hot wife will join them. All our troubles will be over, and we will finish out our lives as two hideous people sitting around in big diapers and holding hands.