Wednesday, August 29, 2012

How badly to think about hard things

I recently decided to become smart.

This process begins with a trip to a library.

After checking out a large stack of books on such topics as String Theory, the Higgs bosom, and fringe physics, I go home.

I have always envied the ease with which scientific people be sciency.

It comes so natural to them, and I wish I had something that came naturally to me.

On the toilet now, flipping through one of these tomes, it occurs to me that I have no idea what anyone is talking about.

I am sitting at the school computer because summer is over.

My thoughts are no smarter now than they were a month ago, despite my lavatorial dabblings in science.

This is my 11th year at this job.

If a man sobs in a classroom with three other people around, does the falling tree make a sound?

Does nothing ever change in Gweenbrick's bag of thematic tricks?

No.

Still chubby, still bald, still puzzled by a total lack of financial security.

I did eat an entire bag of tortilla chips smothered in melted cheese recently, a depression fueled dip in the moral quagmire of nacho orgies and all night Minecraft.

When you check the clock at 3.00 in the morning, yellow grease stains fanned out in a spatter pattern from your slack, open mouth, your mind on a dizzying high from the pixellated tower you have just formed, built according to the Golden Mean, you realize that your life has spun its great climax and you are now half dozing through the twilight of its afterglow.

There is no progress or regression; there is just aged, feeble stasis, most notable for its wretched breath and forward head posture.

Forward head posture is one of my deepest fears, which goes a long way towards pinpointing just exactly what is wrong with America.


Pardon.

Have not drawn in a month so a bit rusty.

Anyways.






38 comments:

  1. I too have made repeated attempts to truly understand what folks like Neil deGrasse Tyson and the like are really talking about, especially in regards to the physics of space travel and time. I download the podcasts, check out the books...and yet still I fail to retain any of it. You are in good company, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't know who Neil degrassi junior high is and I have never downloaded a podcast.
      Oh Riding Librarian, I am a disgrace to our shared profession that we don't share but maybe someday.
      Unless you are not a librarian at all, but literally riding a librarian, but not in some stupid sexual way, like that awful save a horse ride a cowboy type of joke.
      I hate that joke so much, possibly to the same degree that I hate talking about sports.
      Which brings us back to riding librarians, which has absolutely no future as a sport. If it did, i couldn't do it anyways because I have the knees of a Russian cobbler.

      Delete
    2. Oh, I don't know. Solo Synchronized swimming was a thing for awhile and that makes about as much sense.

      And I am an actual librarian, but a Children's one...we're kinda weird.

      About Neil deGrasse Tyson, check him out. He's the rock star of space science right now. He's the only hope for folks like you and I to understand this stuff. He goes on the Daily Show and other mainstream shows quite often.

      Delete
  2. I am just glad you are back, and maybe more importantly, you are using words like 'tumid'. Before I leave in a few minutes for the funeral of a friend, I was wondering, is 'tumidity' a word? Chemistry makes far more sense than subatomic physics, so there are practical limits of reasonableness, yet I keep trying to discern all the CERN stuff ...

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    1. sorry, i am still distracted by my completely unfunny response to the riding librarian, but in my defense, i am holding a two month old who keeps plapping the keys with one fat paw.
      his idea of a joke is to stare at a fan-blown curtain for ten minutes....I wish i had his life: smiling with an unwarranted amount of enthusiasm at the most mundane things while allowing drool to seep from a corner of my lips. Without an ounce of shame, I grunt and fill my pants. Which coincedentally is the last line of my book i have been working on.

      Which is a biography of garrison keillor.

      nope, not at all how you spell coincedentally or kielor.

      Delete
    2. I tried to leave comments on your more recent post, but it disappeared. Hope I didn't offend you or something (?)

      Delete
    3. Hey esb! I keep getting the email that you left the comment, but it is not showing up on the post anywhere. Let me take a look and see if I can figure it out.
      But no, you could never offend me, silly!
      For one to be offended, they must first have sense,
      or however that saying goes

      Delete
    4. Okay, I wiLL try again later when I get home, at the diner at the moment.

      Delete
  3. I can relate. It's hard to survive my existentialist leanings while my 3-year-old is drawing Humpty dumpy with a sock on his poop.
    It's good to have you here again.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh heather heather save me from my own comments, restore some dignity, some greater meaning to this blasted blog....
      oh...
      oh you wrote about socky poo poo art.
      ......

      Delete
  4. smartness is hard.
    life with a new baby vampires your brain. cut yourself some slack. maybe you're experiencing postpartum depression along with lack of sleep. dangerous combination.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi SherilinR! I am not really depressed; that's just my go to emotion when I start trying to blog, or start work again after a long absence.
      As for the hardness of smartness, well, something witty was going to be written here, but not by me

      Delete
  5. when we swirl around the vortex of all night Minecraft, our preferred snack choice is Funyuns.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not had a Funyun in a very long time. Long enough that I am not even sure they are the same snack now that they were then. What a cruel life is it, when our snacks do not age along side us.

      Delete
  6. Mmmmm. Nacho orgy. I hear your siren call...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Mandy. It is as universal as the urge to urinate.

      Delete
  7. I didn't even finish reading your post when I realized I very much needed to state the obvious:

    "It comes so natural to them, and I wish I had something that came naturally to me."

    And to you, Gweenbrick, said the Wizard of Oz: the gift of words, and to write them in such a way that will captivate countless people.

    I, too, have a deep fascination with scientific topics varying from genetics to zoology to chemistry to space, but I feel like I never had the mental capacity to delve as deeply in them as many highly educated people do :] (Then again, still haven't finished community college, so...)
    But they, on the other hand, don't have the talent to manipulate language and storytelling the way that others do, that you do!

    So be happy that you got one up on them. Cause we are good at talking all good and shit. Yo. Word.

    I'm feeling like a therapist today.
    Now time to read the rest of your blog (which is always a highlight in my day) and probably leave another comment, probably with less therapy. Sorry about that, and all.

    -O.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Olga, so nice of you to say that! You are not being therapee at all...just being kind. I was actually being somewhat silly when I wrote this post, only because of my utter inability to grasp the introductory chapter of any of those books

      Delete
    2. That's why I feel silly now
      I see you write serious and think "oh, no, DEPRESSION!" and write a comment far too long for a normal internet relationship unless it involves dirty pictures.

      This will probably happen again :]

      But, by your recent post, I can see the sciency reading paid off. Like reading Chrichton's work, honest!

      Delete
  8. Yeah, what they all said.

    ReplyDelete
  9. HHmm interesting social issues were raised by Gweenbrick in the above blog....yes sometimes we think of doing such things that the famous people achieved in their successful past and after such minor attempts we give up...it is more likely a human nature to me at least.

    reflective essay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't mean to be rude, but are you from the spam?
      If you are not, than yes, it is human nature.

      Delete
  10. Forward head posture should be feared. It leads to great discomfort in the neck and shoulders. So does getting smart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! And it makes it look like your head is growing directly out of your chest

      Delete
  11. Welcome back Gweenbrick! I can relate - I stayed up way too late last night playing World of Warcraft. The only evidence I left behind to this loserfest: an empty box of Cheese Nips, Diet Mountain Dew cans and a huge pile of regret all scattered around my PC this morning.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Stasis isn't what it used to be.

    ReplyDelete
  13. "TUMID WITH GRANDEUR." That sentence is all kinds of awesome. Must work it into a sentence SOON.

    Meanwhile, welcome back, Mike! I miss you!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *missed... effing typos.

      And I meant Mark. I think. Wait. Which name did your student call you??

      Because you reek of Mike-ishness.

      Or Mark-ishness.

      Hmmm.

      Delete
    2. The student kept calling me 'Mark'.
      My real name is "Mhark".
      It just really annoyed me that he did not pause for a reverent beat over the silent 'h' when saying my name.

      Delete
    3. SO annoying.

      I hate when people don't pause respectfully for the silent "Q" in front of my name.

      Q-Dani.

      Is it so hard?

      Delete
  14. Oh my goodness welcome back! As an official lurker, sometime poster, I missed you. I definitely agree with Olga. You are talented. Writing doesn't come easy to everyone and you manage to captivate all of us! THAT is an accomplishment.
    Btw, if your name wasn't Mark before, it is now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Brenda! Lurk less post more is my command to you.

      Delete
  15. Replies
    1. Thanks.
      In person he is quite homely, but what can you do, you know?





      just kidding.

      Delete
  16. I've missed your posts! This is the best reward after a hard week of training.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I feel your pain, Brother. I have just passed 9 years of the same job -- by 11 years something must feel different, right? Please?

    ReplyDelete