Thursday, April 26, 2012

Clothes Tangent

But I don't like buying clothes.

WAA! WAA! WAA! People die everyday from cancer of the face and hands, and you are complaining about clothes shopping.

Shut up, Brain; if you're going to be annoying, just stay in the car.

"Hi, Maryanne. Anything good today?"

"Look around, honey, you never know....treasures...treasures," she mumbles off.

Does she know you sell stuff on ebay?

Nah, I try to keep a low profile. When these thrift stores find out you're a dealer, they start hemming and hawing over what to charge you for stuff, trying to decide if you are about to walk away with some priceless treasure for a steal.

So don't blurt it out.


Yes, you. You've done it before. You have like a weird compulsive need to tell thrift store staff that you sell junk on ebay. 

Can't remember....

Yes you do. Don't make me give you the stink eye....

What is the stink eye anyways?

 I think it's more like this.

 Come on, we better get looking for clothes.

They'll say hurtful things like "Well I never-" and "Of all the-" and they'll take my award away.

I can't handle loss on that scale.

That's so dumb. You make everything into such a Big Problem. And you always assume the worst is going to happen.

No I don't.

Are you joking? Those are like black velour lady pants. No one would ever buy those, especially not a well-meaning husband in a misguided attempt to pick out clothes for his wife's birthday.

Did you get "lady pants" from The Office?

Dunno....I can't keep track of where anything comes from anymore. I'm just going to pretend it's all mine.....

That might get you into trouble someday, if your blog ever gets really big.

Sheeesh, yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Who are you making hopeful eyebrows* to?

Nobody. The Internet.


Did you just circulate one finger while holding it perpendicular to your head  in what is considered to be the universal sign for 'crazy'?

I don't know....I can't always be responsible for what the rest of me is doing.

Speaking of the blog, are you still working on 'Manboy Japan'?

Kind of....I make myself draw at least one picture a day for it. It's kind of tedious.



Oh nothing.

It's just that....sometimes, it seems like, maybe, you might have a little bit of a hard time actually finishing things. You let your struggles with self-doubt and depression sabotage everything you work on.

Don't say 'sabotage'; it's such a therapy word.

No it's not. Are you trying to distract me from giving you a fakely reluctant talking to?

 It's a logo, not a mascot.

So what? I'm too lazy to go back and change the caption on that picture up there.

Anyways, you was just a rock tumbler.

Ewww, I hate those. They are such a load of crap, making kids think they can turn all the rocks they dig out of the gravel into semi-precious stones.

I know, and you have to leave them going for like a week. It sounds like someone running a blender around the clock.

Yeah! So stupid!



I hate watching them try on ridiculous things and then run about the store like low-rent Merry Pranksters. 
They ruin everything.

Plus they buy all the old Nintendo games.

I know! 

Anyways, we should go.

But you didn't get anything! The whole trip was a waste!

Why did you have Mushmouth be at the thrift store?

I dunno, bored I guess.

And it's shaped like a cheeseburger!

Shhhhhh....that's enough now, Brain, just show the video.

*copyright property of Steamme Upkid


  1. I thought my life was complete until I saw that talking cheeseburger condiment dispenser, and now I don't know what to think.

    Loved the translucent trousers, btw.

    1. It's definitely a game changer. My wife and I are trying to figure out where to go from here.

  2. I'm trying to read this with my quiet voice and it really hurts to stifle the big painful laughs. This one is a "best of"!!!! I loved it! It KILLED me!

  3. having conversation with our brain is always entertaining...and it'll never stop talking

    1. Yep, and it can be seperate enough from our emotional self to make a good second character

  4. Such a funny post! The first drawing where you're playing with the plane - and the one where you blush and say "yeah" about wanting to be like The Bloggess - were so cute! I think both would be great on T-shirts.

    As far as clothes go - your wife better do the shopping for you.

    The video at the end is hilarious!

    1. Thanks Bozo! It always cracks me up when people think my drawings are cute. My wife won't shop for me because she knows I have bizaare pickiness issues

  5. Ah, sadness, the video didn't appear at aLL in my iPad browser and itza 4 something AM and the wife has moved into the other room closer to the air conditioner where the real PC is that would aLLow me to see the video but that would involve possibly waking the wifey and ... and..d .... Ooooh, Gweenbrick delay-ed-ness, ah, misery, angst, incompleteness, ah ... hasn't this week been hard enough? I guess the answer was no. It is much too early for coffee, sigh ....

    I enjoy a good brain chat at least 80 percent of the time.

    1. You've probably seen it by now, but if not, it's really short and you are not missing anything-I am sad for you that you are up at 4 in the morning.

    2. I also am missing the video and am on a "real" computer. Suck is life. I trust you Gweenbrick. The video must be worthwhile and hilarious, and stupid in some way...perhaps an ironic way? Or would that make you too "hipster"?

  6. I can't help but wonder why the talking yellow cheeseburger is drawn as a blue radio-looking thing. Surely significant symbolism, right? Don't question the artist I guess.

    (Oh, and I hate shopping for clothing too.)

    1. Oh Alan, you spotted my error. The blue thing was actually the package that the cheese burger was in; I forgot to either draw me taking it out or take a picture of it in the package. Now it just sits there, a glaring error....

  7. I can not BELIEVE you hit Mushmouth. Good for you.

    1. Technically, I ran into him. But I have to say, his impediment is much more intimidating in person

  8. I covet your talking cheeseburger condiment holder...

    1. If I thought anyone would participate, I would concoct some kind of contest wherein a blog reader could win it....

  9. Sides hurt from laughing. First, sneezing your shirt apart. Then, the reference to Cranium (nice touch of realism, as noted by a fellow thrift shop junkie). The counter was spot on (and I love trying to figure out how they arrived at "the valuable" items" to put behind glass). Peed myself when I played the video. Didn't even try to stop it. To quote an earlier post, I just let it come. I'm a little disturbed by the Maryanne from the store. It's kind of glimpse into my future, isn't it. So this one gets bumped up to my Top 5.

    1. That lady is named after you!!! I originally had a conversation with her about collecting vintage litte people-and then she bemoaned ebay dealers, but I changed the scene. Then, when I realized what a horrible looking lady I had drawn, I changed the spelling of Marianne so you wouldn't think it was in any way supposed to be you.
      I am really glad you liked the thrift store bits-it was fun thinking them up!

  10. Man, your brain is kind of a smart arse, isn't it? Yeah, mine is too. "Black velour lady pants" should be a phrase everyone uses in conversation. Fabulous post! Seriously hilarious!

    1. My wife reminded me later that the pants were actually red, and tapered, but I was not about to go back and redraw it. Plus it makes my taste in ladies fashion sound even worse.

  11. That was a great find at the thrift store! Why are our brains always so sarcastic? Thanks for another great laugh!

    1. Hi Elsie! Hope you are doing okay, and I am glad I was able to brighten your day, at least a little.

  12. You had me at "Rock Tumbler." I wanted one SO. BAD.

    I have no idea why... there was just something alluring about all those shiny, polished stones...


    *Secret Message to Mrs. Gweenbrick*

    Psst... When they become sheer and tattered, that's when an "accident" occurs in the washingmachine/dryer that renders them completely useless and unsalvageable.

    My husband once owned a pair of shorts that were so sheer that from a distance, he appeared to be naked... and he wouldn't stop wearing them. In public.

    They "spontaneously combusted" in the dryer one sad day, entirely by accident.

    As did his Hard Rock Cafe t-shirt with the eroded arm pits, his giant ugly khaki pants with the shredded crotch, and all of his size 40 waist jeans, which he insisted still fit him because he could just hang his belly out over the top of them.



    1. The secret is to buy two of the eXact same thing, and then rotate them in-out of service on a regular basis, so they wear out at the same rate. Then the wearer will be unaware of that they are reaLLy wearing their favorite thingS instead of their favorite thing, and be proud that "it" has lasted so long.

  13. Awesome Greymatter!!! I hope he makes frequent appearances!

  14. Does somebody own "hopeful eyebrows"? Crap, I'm pretty sure I've used that at some point.

    Loved the ironically shopping hipsters!

    1. Completely unrelated question: is it ok if I pin your work on pinterest, or would you prefer that people don't? I'm a bit concerned about the Pinterest terms of service, that puts 100% of the copyright issues on pinners and 0% on the site. I'm pretty sure that other bloggers are ok with me pinning them on my illustrated blogs board, but I just want to be sure.

  15. Hehehehe. The thrift shop (we call it 'op shop' here in oz - short for opportunity, sooo polite) was just like the ones we've got down here! Love the brain banter. Thanks for the giggle Gween.

  16. I love second-hand shops. Because I am incredibly cheap, I wait until they have a sale. Yes, you read that right. I am so cheap that I wait until something that costs a dollar goes on sale for fifty cents.

  17. I like the way you draw when your wife's in the pic, you both look adorables!

  18. Hello there :)

    I have a special request if you're interested. I've made a birthday blog for a friend of mine - and I'm hoping everyone will stop by for a visit and help make it a success. Here's the link if it's something you feel like doing.


  19. A contest you say ?

    Why yes.
    I would enter it, and if I won the prize I would treasure it forever.

    You better had finish Manboy Japan, you can't leave me hanging in suspense over here.

  20. Great post. Why does our brain tell us all the things we don't want to hear, and confront us in our illusions?
    It bothers me that the hamburger closes after it says "Get your fixin's here!" How do I get the offered condiments when the doors snap shut?
    Oddly enough, Mushmouth reminded me of some kind of Jar-Jar Binks type characteriba.

  21. Alright. I give up. I can't tell what is copyright property of Steamme Upkid. WHERE is the asterisk? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

  22. Based on the discussions you two have, it sounds like your brain and my brain would get along splendidly.

    -Barb the French Bean