Friday, February 10, 2012

Here was a blog

I am sitting here so devoid of ideas that I swear to you I just spent at least three minutes daydreaming about which of the three people in this room, myself and two students, has the hairiest forearms.


The girl nearby is a close second, but I think mine are the hairiest.


This is one of those rare contests that hold no joy for the winner.


Here was a blog.


A blog almost a year old, a blog of such profound substance that to abandon it now would be like eating a fortune cookie with that slip of prophetic wisdom still tucked away inside.


To be honest, I have not been feeling myself lately.


A string of illnesses have kept me in a state of drippy cough spasm, never bold enough to venture too far from a bathroom. 


At the height of fever I had a dream that my father had installed a hot tub on the roof of his house.

He said he had found it in the garbage at his work and he invited me to get in it.

I remember standing there and thinking, "Well, I have a swimsuit on."

I wish I could recall where I put the emphasis in that thought, because it could be benign or a little creepy.


The other night, I couldn't sleep, and I was sure I had a good post idea. 




It involved the floating spirit of Uncle Joey from Full House coming down to give me words of wisdom.




He admitted his career had disintegrated to the point of having to play Smee at Disneyland's Peter Pan-themed attraction, and then he had tried to convince me that in my own life, I was playing Smee, and he had this whole thing about how it was all metaphor and I was always running from the virile and mysterious Rufio.


I began to draw all of this and then I hated it.


Lately I have been thinking a lot about how I spent a whole day performing a musical I was making up on the spot for the enjoyment of my then-new bride.


It was called "Perfect Skin."


It was a magical piece of vunderspanx and I regret that I never wrote it down.




I tried to do a post about that, but again I felt sick and nothing was funny.

Here's something: did you know it's really, really hard to make money from blogging?


I should know, because I haven't even tried.


But I am so dead broke that I should spend every second of free time I have looking for jobs instead of making blog weewee.


If anyone out there has any good ideas for how I can totally sell out and make money off of Gweenbrick, please let me know.


Of course, it's a bad time to monetize your blog when you are just realizing you are running out of creative juice.


But maybe that's just the endless weeks of illness talking.


Anyways.


Thank you all, new readers and old, for your continued support, your comments, your incredible flattery.


Nothing I have ever worked on in my life has brought me more satisfaction, which might actually be a very depressing thing to admit.


Not sure about that.


69 comments:

  1. Aw hey it's just a bad phase when inspiration decides to be a big fat ass and hides from you.
    It's gonna come back soon and we're going to go WEEE because you'll be funny again.
    And uncle Joeyyyyyyyy! I used to love full house. Never missed a single episode!
    *proud toothless smile* -_-

    Get well soon, gween :)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Remya. Since you are the first commentor, I feel like I should have more to say to you.

      ..........

      Hi, um..

      Sooooooo

      is your smile really toothless?

      Delete
  2. Blog weewee. I may start calling my writing that.

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    1. I think I might have stolen that from someone else, but I can't remember....so feel free to take it as your own

      Delete
  3. If you had a toll booth I would gladly throw in electronic quarters that could be redeemed for things real on your end of the transfer process. That reminds, I watched a wonderful PBS special on urban raccoons last night. It went along very well with my cup of "juice" and I needed a desparate break from reading Eeeee Eee Eeee.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I am worried that crushing guilt would overwhelm me if one of my readers actually gave me money....
      We have a ton of raccoons around here.
      They are quite skilled with their paws, but sometimes their problem solving attempts make they seem stupid.
      What is EEE?

      Delete
    2. Eeeee Eee Eeee is a novel by Tao Lin. It is very bizarre and random. But it has been translated into six other languages, not sure how much it has sold, I believe it was published in 2007. If EEE can be sold commercially, then Gweenbrick should win a Pulitzer and a couple of Nobel's, one for literature and another for chemistry. I am half way through EEE and now I have decided to read the second half of the book backwards, sentence by sentence, just to prove to myself that it won't make any difference.

      Delete
    3. I love your plan of attack on that book there!
      Never heard of it, but now I am curious.

      Delete
    4. I am with you on the satisfaction from blogging, its an interesting neighborhood of eXpression and comradery.

      Delete
  4. Two words: Gweenbrick merchandise. Plushes, stickers, etc.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Well, I did make a really crappy sculpey version of me the other day.
      It can't stand on its own.
      I guess I could sell it....
      Ok Alan, how much would you pay for it?
      The problem for me with merchandising is I have no clue to how to do it, so I instantly collapse and like a small child, want someone to take my fat little hand guide me through every step.
      Would you, Alan?
      Would you take this man's fat little hand?

      Delete
    2. see, you haven't lost your funny. you've just redirected it into your comment section!

      Delete
    3. The comment section is Gweenbrick Dessert.

      Delete
  5. Never has there been a blogger who has no creative ideas, created something so creative as you have.

    If this is you without any ideas, then I better hang up my blogging gloves.
    Hope you get well soon gweenie. (inserts virtual hug here)

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Aw shucks and gosh it darnit, lily, you say such nice things.
      You are a great and hilarious writer and you should never compare yourself to me, because here in America we use the inches system and you Brits use the metric, so the numbers would be all different.
      That joke was really stupid but I am too lazy and secretly not that embarassed by it to bother erasing it.

      Delete
  6. Nobody does WeeWee like you do. Totally with you-I think that February sucks for creativity.

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    1. Thanks C! It never occurred to me that it might be a time of the month type thing, you have given me hope.

      Delete
  7. I am convinced that THE RIGHT PERSON is going to stumble across my blog on a day when I have something that's complete shit posted. And I will have blown my shot. Nobody can be awesome all the time, but your not awesome is still pretty great.

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    1. Hey thanks Kelly.
      That is a pretty funny and relatable fear that you have!
      I have never had that thought, but now I will.
      Though I am not sure what I would want the RIGHT PERSON to actually be....a book seems like too much pressure, a regular writing gig might be ok....not much of a looker, so I doubt anyone will want me to model....a friend suggested getting a sponsor, but I wonder what sponsor would be a good fit and not seem completely incongrous with the content of the blog...And then there is oh wait, I am rambling...are you still there Kelly?
      Kelly?!?

      Delete
  8. You can start by putting up a "donate" button on your blog. I'd donate! Also, your stories are always so fun to read - how about custom stories where people tell you their funny stories and you turn it into gweenbrick weewee...just a thought. Also, I can't believe that your blog is only a year old and you have such an amazing following. You're doing something right!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Really?!? I feel a little guilty about that.....what if you donate and I never post again? Did I steal your money???
      I'm not sure if I can pee for other people...it may not SEEM like it, but my drawing skills are pretty limited.

      As far as a following goes, I started with just a few really awesome readers and supporters like lily, marianne, dirtycowgirl, jrose (cheeseblarg), then the wonderful Steam Me Up kid liked me and shared me around her neighborhood so I got some more, but then I emailed Lisa Ding of Blogger and just wrote, "Hey Lisa, can you take a look at my blog and tell me what you think?" and then she gave me blog of note!! You should do that, because you are very talented

      Delete
    2. Just google about "Donate Button" and there are instructions for setting it up. It uses PayPal to transfer funds securely. I tried to paste a web location, but I can't using my iPad, sorry.

      Delete
  9. I think you may have spoiled your audience. I can't believe how much you post, and how funny they all are. Take a break buddy. Let the funny come to you.

    As for getting rich... the CA lotto is up to 50 million. Send me $.50 and I'll go halfsies with you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the advice, my large fruit often mistaken for vegetable friend. Those are really nice things to say.
      As far as the lotto goes, I think we have a pretty good chance, but can you spot me the .50? I will gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

      Delete
  10. What about selling stuff on zazzle? Like the Bloggess? I'm sure you could come up with some awesome t-shirts :)

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    1. I've never heard of Zazzle...oh lilkittin, you have given me a direction!

      Delete
  11. I know a guy who knows a guy who's brother-in-laws had a t-shirt and clothing company. I bet they might be able to give some advice about merchandising. There are more than a few Gweenbrick illustrations that I would be glad to wear around on my shirt. The donate button is not a bad idea either. I've heard of some other famous bloggers having donate buttons. What?! I just said "how if".

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    1. I'll have to look into a T-shirt thing. Can you think of one in particular you think would make a good shirt?
      Because I suck at that design type stuff.
      I might do a donate button....for some reason it makes me feel dirty but maybe that is just being prideful and silly

      Delete
    2. Looks like many of us have the same idea! ha ha. As for illustrations, I think the first one could be the Gweenbrick with cape over face behind tooth brushing wife, as shown above. Maybe with no background white - just a frame.

      Delete
  12. You're crazy. Some of the stuff you've done lately has been your best yet. Did you think about Google Adsense? As far as merchandising, think of a one-size fits all for now (t-shirts would require different sizing, thereby upping your investment). I would totally buy a Gweenbrick coffee mug. Or Gweenbrick calendar for next year. I'd give it to everyone I know at Christmas who works in social services (and I know a LOT of people who work in social services). Something to consider. I'd promote it on my blog! Don't despair. Based on various blog-relationships, we're all in a bit of a rut right now. February sucks. As does March. And April is the cruelest month. I'm holding out for May. May is good. The lusty month of May. I'm shooting for my Pulitzer then.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Marianne! I'm holding out for June. June looks promising...
      I'll have to look at the mug/calendar/swimsuit thing. I'm not sure how I feel about adsense....

      Delete
  13. Your blog is good, but your wife looks a little chunky.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yeah, that was unintentional. Though she does have a giant bathrobe thing that is quite bearish in how it effects her outline as a whole...hmmm...not quite coming out to good...sigh...a long night alone ahead

      Delete
  14. Two words, Gweenbrick: Café Press. (Or is that one word?)

    I don't drink coffee, but if I could get a Gweenbrick drawing on a coffee mug, I would buy one. Same goes for t-shirts or thongs.

    http://www.cafepress.com/

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks DPLblog! I have never heard of Cafe Press but I will check it out!
      Thongs? Ewww a gweenbrick thong seems really yucky

      Delete
  15. You don't have to blog often. You just have to blog well. If it's once a month, once a week or once every 3 months, that's totally fine. Sounds like you're putting too much pressure on yourself. This is supposed to be fun.

    So my advice is "Relax. Take a deep breath. Become a gigolo."

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes Mandy, I tend to overpressure myself about this silly thing and forget to enjoy it.
      Thank you for the sound advice, except the part about the gigolo.
      That part is not really applicable to me as I am less of a roll in the hay and more of a dip in the butter.
      What does that mean.

      Delete
    2. 'I am less of a roll in the hay and more of a dip in the butter.'So funny.

      Delete
  16. Well, (no pressure) but I have missed your posts. I'm sorry the creative gods are not smiling on you right now, but I really believe you have something unique -- your style -- your drawings -- your perspective. You think deeply (although you may not want to admit to it) and in turn cause others to do the same. (Ok, I'll speak only for myself.)

    As far as money-making, I was thinking of Cafe Press or Zazzle. People seem to be able to make all sorts of schwag over there and actually sell it! Maybe you could put up some of your past illustrations (one frame) with a choice of 2 or 3 descriptions and your readers could vote on which one(s) should become t-shirts (or whatever item). At the moment I'm thinking of the drawing of Lauren and the Beowulf-like description. Just a thought...Hope you're feeling better!!!!

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    1. Thank you so much! I have never been told that I think deeply before. It is quite a flattering thing to hear...
      I am going to look at that Cafe press and Zazzle thing, as I have neither heard of either
      I like your ideas!

      Delete
  17. Dude. That's not Uncle Joey. That's John Parr, singer of "St. Elmo's Fire" which, if you think about it, actually makes more sense.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I used to love that song....it made me feel so restless and alive, right up there with Whitesnake's here i go again

      Delete
  18. Wow...based on your following, I would have thought that you'd been writing for more than a year! I love your blog, even though I don't comment very often. I love your stream-of-consciousness, jump-from-one-idea-to-the-next but in the end it all makes sense style.

    I'm glad that I read the other comments before giving you my brilliant suggestions...because it turns out that everyone else has already suggested them a dozen times. Cafe press. Zazzle. T-shirts and mugs. I think with a humour/storytelling blog it makes more sense to do merchandise rather than ads. I definitely don't think adsense is the way to go...that only works if people are finding your blog because they want to buy something. This is a different kind of blog. You could maybe try something like pay-per-pageview advertising, but I don't know how many hits you get every day...you need A LOT of pageviews to make any money.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Thanks Stephanie, I agree with your view on adsense and all that.
      I tried to copy your clay style but my clay gweenbrick looks terrible. I am amazed at all the work you put into your picture set-ups!

      Delete
    2. I'll make you one! And honestly...I started doing clay because trying to draw was SO hard and SO time-consuming and made me SO cranky. To each their own, right?

      Delete
  19. After reading through the other comments, I still think t-shirts are a good idea, but there may be greater investment because of different sizes. I have started to go through old posts to find fitting images for coffee mugs, calendars and maybe, eventually, t-shirts.
    Some of the early blog posts would be great with illustrations, but maybe those could be saved for your book someday. Big Peoples made me laugh, and I was surprised no one had commented on it.
    Anyways, my list of likable illustrations for Gweenbrick merchandise:
    Dome (in any form), Nice purple (4/11/11), Some type of awk measurement scale, therapy stool 3, anything with Allen the monkey, Gweenbrick evolution, Gweenbrick breaking up the basketball brawl at the special olympics (shave it fo da cote), one from not a short bus (anime eyed deer or visualizing the crossing).
    Just realized how long this is getting. Sorry. Let me know if you need more ideas.

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    1. Thanks for looking those over Danny! I don't even remember Big Peoples, so I'll have to check that out
      I'll look at those other ones too

      Delete
  20. Even when you feel you have little to offer, you are still far more funny, creative, and inspiring that anyone I know. The only way to make money off your blog is to look back at your posts, realize how talented you are, sit down and write a book, and finally sell it. You certainly have what it takes.

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    1. Wow-you are way too kind.Thank you so much for saying all that. If I ever do write a book I will send you a free copy, just for being so flatterious.

      Delete
  21. Actually, when you are just running out of creative juice is the BEST time to monetize your blog! Not that I would know. I've been trying to monetize my blog for ages now (i.e. about a month). Last week I made $2 on Zazzle and have been bragging about it ever since. Which is pretty much the whole point of this comment.

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    1. I am right now messaging you to explain zazzle and all its workings to me, so be prepared.

      Delete
  22. Google ads? Zazzle or cafepress teeshirt & products? I'd totally buy stuff, bumper stickers, tees, etc. Have you ever thought of self-publishing a hard copy book? You can through lulu.com and maybe sell that (print on demand so no huge financial investment, just tiime). Then again there's regular publishing too. I see your blog and see you as a published author someday. Hit me up if you want to talk more about any of these ideas (I'm working on them now and can share info.) spleeness@yahoo.com

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    1. Thanks for the idea your spleeness, I have never thought of a self-published book because I am not confidant I have enough to offer anyone in book form. I am looking at the zazzle thing tonight, but everything looks so expensive. I will have to drop you a line!

      Delete
  23. You are brilliant Gween. Yours is one of the few I'm reading all of. Everyone's mentioned zazzle, but here's some inspiration - go check out the blog 'Hyperbole and a Half', it was Allie's goal to become famous with her blog and spend the rest of her life sitting on the couch in her underpants...

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    1. Hey Julie, you are so nice! I am really surprised that being called brilliant never gets old. tee hee.
      I know Hyperbole and a Half well, but I think her talent is quite unique, and strong enough to get her that life of sitting around in underpants
      Me, on the other hand.....not so sure

      Delete
  24. Lithesome Prancing makes everything better. Don't forget that.

    And dude, suck it up, pull together some posts which get big hits and pitch a book concept to a publisher.

    Hell, bundle them up into individual ebooks and sell them for 10 bucks a pop.

    JUST DO IT ALREADY.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is grover lithsome prancing in your profile pic?
      If my head was bursting with a million ideas, I would be tempted by a book. But since I struggle week to week, I just don't know....I just...kim, I'm not good at sucking things up...more better at sucking
      You are asking a jelly donut to be biscotti

      Delete
  25. I agree with the others about self-publishing a book. I should know: I just self-published mine in Novemeber. I am not rich yet from my (obvious) literary prowess, but if you wanna shoot me an email, I am happy to give you more details of how I did it.

    1julieharrison@gmail.com

    (oh,gah--now you know my real name!!!!)
    MOV

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I read your interview with Marianne-did you have illustrations in your book? I wonder if that would have pushed up the price
      Now I can email you all kinds of spammy things

      Delete
    2. no, no illustrations, you are right-- I think that would push the price up, but it is worth looking into. I am really glad I did it. Someone introduced me the other day as an "author" and I swear I was looking around behind me going, "Where? Where? What author?" Then it dawned on me that she was talking about ME. Yikes. (Sure beats when they say "blogger" with contempt like you might say "serial killer".) And please do not spammy me, unless it is original gweenbrick t-shirt designs.........

      xxo
      MOV

      Delete
  26. It's always great to make a little cash from something you love to do. The problem is, this clashes with most peoples extreme laziness. Just keep doing what you're so good at and hopefully some ideas will come.

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    Replies
    1. yep, there is certainly a war of laziness poverty and creativity going on within me-to the victor go the spoils, I guess

      Delete
  27. Gween- I know this rubs against every single bit of social anxiety you have in you, and, frankly, self publishing is a MUCH faster way to get paid than what I am about to pitch... but I'm, going to throw it out there anyway. Back in the day, I used to be part of the slam poetry scene here in Seattle. And poets often sold "chapbooks" (which sounds like books made of rawhide, but, I assure you, were just paper). They sold for five bucks a pop usually. They were probably 15-20 pages long. Simple, simple, simple. I'm talking white paper with black print and MAYBE an aqua-colored page for the cover and some staples. Anywho. Think of chapbooks as pre-zines. Minimal effort on your behalf and hours of joy for your paying readers. Of course, having this enterprise means you'd have to get up and read some of your stuff in front of people so as to generate some readership, and maybe that's just not worth the prolific sweating. Just throwin' it out there.

    Eagerly awaiting the next installation of "Gweenbrick: The Series" in my local comic shop/coffehouse/bookstore,
    -LoLo

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    1. I think I would explode, but I like your ideas of the little chap book things. I had a creative writing professor who would always assign his own chap books as required reading for the course-a great way to boost his own sales

      Delete
  28. This is a very nice blog post. I think you work better when you have no idea what to post.
    Just let the imagination runs.

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    1. Thanks Hoe, sometimes that works out for me, and sometimes it is not good at all. This comment reply is so profound.

      Delete
    2. I scrolled to the bottom of this page and only saw "Thanks Hoe"... I thought, who is he calling a ho?! ha. Congrats on 400 followers!

      Delete
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