Monday, December 19, 2011

The Quality of the Hermes

According to one of my new followers that may or may not be a robot, the quality of all the Hermes bag is beyond reproach.

I have no idea what a Hermes bag is but it sounds like it might be good I guess.

Because of my recent influx of new readers, I feel compelled to reintroduce myself.

 Though sometimes when I see a Hermes bag my expression is

Actually, that last part is a lie.

As I previously mentioned, I don't know what a Hermes bag is, and frankly, I killed that joke when I titled my post and I should have left it at that.

To avoid anymore stupid jokes, I am going to speak for a moment about drugs.

I wrote before how I messed around with them for a little, but I don't really recommend it.

You might feel good, but there is a high probability that you are actually quite stupid

The first time I ever did LSD, I sat listening to a Sesame Street record for several hours. I was scared by it, and to be scared of Sesame Street at the age of 18 is nothing you can hold on to years down the road when you have given up all faith in yourself.

LSD makes you feel like you are talking about incredible things, and then you remember you are on drugs and it is only drugs talking, and then you laugh at how ridiculous you must have sounded, then you start analyzing it all, and then you realize you have just spent another 15 minutes talking about fake incredible things and you start laughing all over again. 

Or sometimes you sit in a car packed with five other people on drugs, and all of you are mesmerized by the repetitive clicking of the turn signal. 

Occasionally everyone bursts out in a big "WHOAH!WHOAH!HAHAHA!" as if you have just gone down a giant hill on a rollercoaster.

 It's just so amazing to all of you that it keeps clicking.

I challenge you to take acid and then try and ask your parents if you can spend the night at a friend's house without flying around the room like an eagle or wondering if your dad's beard really does stretch on into infinity.

One of the last times I ever did LSD, it was with a few friends out in the woods.

I wandered around for awhile, mostly naked, and then stumbled upon a fellow traveler seated on a hill.

He was giggling to himself.

"Look," he said, and pointed to a lone mushroom growing out of the ground nearby.

I sat next to him, studying the fungus, to really see it as he saw it.

And then it hit me.

We both began to laugh uproariously.

Good call, I told him, using only my mind.

That mushroom really is hilarious.

I think the turning point for me came when I was sitting in class one day, completely sober.

The teacher was pointing to the board with a pointy thing, and I saw

Hallucinations when on drugs = hee-hee, real neat, not for kids though.

Hallucinations sober = oh shit.

Several years of occasional panic attacks later, I'm g-r-r-r-r-r-r-eat!!!!


  1. thank you for again providing the explosive laughter at my desk today. for the majority of this morning, i have been completely lethargic...this awakened something in me, lol.

  2. With the passing of the majestic North Korean leader he gets a new name, Kim Jung Dead, he is no longer ill. So the real hallucinary thing wasn't the stick but the words "the determinism of magical communist realism." Don't forget about puppies and kitties, too.

    I am just glad you came back to life slash reincarnated slash recovered from the fall off the cliff, I was scared for several hours and minutes and seconds knowing that we were looking at real footage instead of the usual drawings in your previous post.

  3. I always enjoy the drawings of your younger self.

  4. I always enjoy pictures of Alan The Mountain.

  5. ronetta-you are welcome!

    esboston-it was a close one. I was going to try and cram as many ism words on that board as I could, but I did not get too far.

    Alan-thanks, man.

  6. I initially read this post with the understanding that by 'Hermes' you meant hermaphrodite, then i read on and realised you meant the brand of bag, Hermes, then felt a bit weird cuz as a lady I should immediately make that association. Anyway in high school my friend told me hermes meant hermaphrodite so I got confused and you started to talk about drugs and i got confused even more.

    I enjoy your blog and look forward to being even more confused in the future :)

  7. Wait, blog of note? Seriously? Couldn't have happened to a more deserving blogger. Kudos. (And hilarious post as always, of course.)

  8. Hahahahha love the pic of you guys watching the mushroom. I bet that's exactly what it looked like, too.

  9. Ha ha - could so relate to this. The one time I tried acid I was seeing colour television for the first time oooooohhhh aaaaaahhhh....and I had a face to face two hour discussion with my girlfriend 'using just my mind'.

  10. Aysh-I am so happy I could confuse you and I hope to do more of it in the future.

    ChrisG- you mean me? I look repulsive?? I am sad. I think I draw myself with a certain quiet spectacle.

    la civetta-yep, I got one of them there short attention spans

    The Weed-sorry man, I am so behind on reading your blog and now I see you are in love with a device of some sort...I got blog of note, but it could be because I shamelessly asked to be last week when I was bored. Self-promotion pays in spam!

    Gia-pretty much, except it is an extremely unflattering picture of my friend who was actually considered to be a pretty good looking guy at that time

    Julie-glad you liked it, sometimes I am worried drug talk will alienate people, but I see i have nothing to worry about with you. You burnout.

  11. Whoaaa LSD really messes with your mind dude. I'm too scared to try anything hallucinogenic because I watch lots and lots of horror movies.. I'm scared just thinking about them.

  12. LOL! Love it! I'm lying here, net book on my stomach, laughing so hard that tears are trickling down my face... Thanks!

  13. ajaj the best:

  14. feryx-yeah, i would not really recommend it to anyone. I watch a lot of horror movies, but I don't remember any of them figuring into hallucinations, though I did see the Predator come out of a television and lean over me, which was a bit unnerving

    LadyinRed-I am glad you liked it, and I am happy you found my stupid blog!

    anonymous-thanks! maybe?

  15. Flashbacks while working at the ol' group home are always my favorite. I was fortunate enough one time to have my best friend actually read my mind while we were tripping (well, I was very obviously eyeballing the hatchet), otherwise I would be in jail right now for axe murder.
    I have anger issues. I don't take drugs anymore.

  16. I wonder what it'd be like to take acid and read your blog? You're already pretty trippy (in a good way) - so would it make it even better, or would I be scared shitless? Hmmm... :)

  17. C-sounds like a wise decision on your part.

    Kevin-you would probably see, really see, that all my blog is is variations on the same joke, repeated endlessly.

  18. I checked the Hermes bags, the price is beyond reach. Some of them cost around five grand and they aren't that grand. My wife sells purses mainly in the 15 to 50 dollar range. I'm not sure if our entire inventory cost five grand. Perhaps they would be more appealing on acid. I have never done acid, although I think I have eXperienced enough other pe ople on a cid. I enjoy my mind too much to abuse it that party-cular way.

  19. I'm not sure what a Hermes bag is, but I always love a good tale about a person's Ah Ha moment.

  20. Simply Amazing! It makes me sad that so many people will live their lives without the joy of complete insanity (Hallucinogens)!!! I am glad that I found this blog...Life becomes way to serious!!! Thank You!!!

  21. consciously sedated- thanks for reading!

    Brother Cosmic Rube-glad you liked it, though my brief flirtation with insanity was light on the joyful and heavy on the stupid

  22. awesome post haha - following for sure :D

    feel free to swing by my blog (funny pictures etc)

  23. blogger-thanks! I'll check out your blog!

  24. Ignorance is bliss

  25. Hahaaaaaaa....! You deserved the blog of note :)

  26. The "thinking things are deep, but they're not deep, they're just stupid" happens with any drug. That can happen with too much caffeine.

    "Blinker fascination," however, is a unique state which only a few drugs create. Avoid a see-and-say in those situations.

    Well done sir.

  27. Remya-thank you!

    Ryan-that's true, definitely had the overwhelming significance of things hit me after too much coffee-thanks for reading, ryan!

  28. it's really nice to read this. Love it! I'm lying here, net book on my stomach, laughing so hard

  29. i feel so late commenting but its my fist time using this blog and this was one of the recommended blogs- i see why , i laughed :) i also find myself connecting with alot- from the drugs to the way you think of/analyze people. cant wait to keep reading ;D

  30. One day I will write a post about the giant hamster.

    I will call it "reasons why you should never do acid on you own".