Tuesday, December 13, 2011

I want to make Kelly understand me

Kelly, from Southern Fried Children, once wrote "Oh, right, I totally got it. Totally. Maybe next time you could put a j/k at the end or something?"

It is so important to me, Kelly, and all of you who thought I was being in anyway serious yesterday, that you know how very rarely I am ever, ever, serious.

Introducing my Turtleneck of Seriousness. 

In the rare event that I do anything serious on this blog, I will preface it with the above image.

This will be shorthand for my readers, so they, and you, Kelly, will know to put away your chuckles and haul out your introspective frowning.

But I think I know what went wrong.

My words are always serious in tone, deadly serious, really, but my pictures clue the reader in to the absolute absurdity of what is really going on.

Let me demonstrate with oh god yes, another poem.

In skies above, did bird make fly.

Born of the egg, he and I.

Free of the earth, he grew to be.

Pausing only, to make poopy on me.

That poem would have destroyed you emotionally if I hadn't softened it with hilarious pictures.

I especially like the cat angrily waving his paw.

I had to look at my own hand waving angrily to figure out how to draw that.

That's how seriously I take this stuff.


  1. OK, that totally clears things up, thank you. Although your poem did still emotionally destroy me, just a little.

  2. Am I the only pervert who didn't see a leg?

  3. Dear Mandy,

    Yes. Yes, you are. Until you wrote that, then I went back and looked, and totally didn't see a leg.

    High five, Gweenbrick.

    That's quite a, uhhhh... leg.


  4. It also makes the line, "Uhhhh. Uhhhh. C'mere pretty bird," read as much more creepy.

  5. You really need to take better care of your nails.

  6. I wasn't sure if you were joking you see..
    I rarely come across such broadcasted misery
    But now that I know it was all in good fun
    It's like your humour kicked me in the ass and won!

  7. Sadly, the sheer seriousosity you displayed with this post has been tarnished by the filthy minds of the above commenters. They should be ashamed of themselves.

    I liked the picture of the masturbating cat though.

  8. Masturbating cat? I looked at the pictures first and saw a masturbating bird...and is your right 'leg ' still in proportion to the rest of you?

  9. Gweenbrick,

    I am (for one) totally grateful about the new Turtleneck of Seriousness. It is often difficult for people (uh, I guess I mean "me" here) to discern over the infinity that is Blog-Land if the writer is being serious or is actually ridiculing all the readers who are not "in" on the joke. I swear I will never now shed another tear of pain and tortured sentiment over some moving phrase you have written on your blog ever again (unless I see the aforementioned T.O.S.) because I will KNOW to stop and ask myself, "Is he just messing with us?!?" (And by the looks of that bird pooping on your head, your cartoon self-mocking head, the answer appears to be a resounding "YES").

    We still love you. In an ironic/ brooding cool "in joke"-sort of way.

    ("Mostly Overly Vexed")
    ps-- and this in no way negates the blog I posted yesterday as sort of, ahem, a tribute to you and your dark heavy emotional side.

  10. I, for one, need the turtleneck. Mostly because I'm daft.

  11. I can see the shading of the right leg AND arm.

    Yeppa, I still say they are gonna replace Shakespeare with you. You have produced at least two poems in the same time period that Bill has produced none.

  12. Kelly-yay, Kelly's back in the game!

    Mandy fish and Killer cupcake-you ladies are sick, sick I tell you.

    Alan-I wanted to have a joke about retractable claws here, but I got nothing.

    feryx-nice poetry, your meter was iambic and your metaphor was convalescent

    the jules- your joke caught me completely off guard and I burst out laughing. My nearby child asked me what was funny and I had to lie. You made me lie to a 5 year old, so you are bad person.

    julie-what?!? the bird....? jeez, I never knew how full of weirdo sexuality my own pictures could be

    MOV-i read your post and tried to comment but I think it got messed up. I really liked your description of the ocean at night, I thought it was quite beautiful. But yes, I guess it was a bit of insincere inspiration. However, by linking to me I got a lot of traffic from you, plus several new followers, so as far as I am concerned you can slap my butt and call me Harold.

    Which means I have no idea what I mean.

    Marianne-you're not daft! But I like that word. Its so exciting and exotic sounding.

    esbboston-thanks, I am glad not everyone thinks in phallus.

  13. Mandy, I am amazed that I didn't see that since i was usually spotting that kinda stuff everywhere, at least in my "oh my god it's another giant penus phase", but maybe I have grown or even regressed. Thanks for pointing it out though. yes the bird thought is creepy.

  14. Nothing that uses the phrase "make poopy" can emotionally destroy me. I won't allow it.

  15. Thanks Mandy, for turning this post into pornography.
    Freaking hilarious.

  16. Thank you for that deeply moving poem! Even with your pictures, it still hit me in the gut...
    I also love the 'Turtleneck of Seriousness'. Nothing says, "Let's get serious," better than a pastel-colored turtleneck.

  17. Gia-are you challenging me? I can do it, Gia, I can devastate you with poopy. Don't make me.

    Johi-wait, is my post hilarious, or just her comment? I need to know.

    krouth-glad you liked it. It was between a turtleneck of seriousness or snowpants of gravity, but my wife thought the snowpants thing was too random.

  18. Rick... it disturbs me that you spelled "penis" incorrectly.

    It just... does.

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