Thursday, December 8, 2011

A bounty of awards on me hath piddled

My brain is not cooperating with me at all lately. 

I had to write a cover letter for yet another job I won't get, and I could not get it together.

"Dear Bloopy bloopy,
I haben fur to work, at schmerny werny.
Plink tu?

I made my wife write it, while I laid on the couch and thought about what is wrong with me.

I closed my eyes to look inside my head.

Nothing was too good in there.
Oh, Brain,
Why won't you do the things I want you to do?
Why didn't you let me laugh when Jeffrey said
 And brain won't let me shave like I need to, because my beard only grows out; gravity never steps in and brushes all the hair down.

However, on a bright side, I received two blog awards.

 The first came from Dani at deathbycupcakes01  or facebookingfromtheedge. I'm not sure what the right name is there.

Anyways, Dani is a beuuuutiful tattooed lady like the kind you could ogle for a nickel back in the days of the traveling carnivals.

Her blog is dark stuff, not for the weak-stomached. NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

Thanks Dani! I am glad you like my blog enough to give it something. And I am glad you left the smut at home.

The second is from Kristy at
I don't know what this means exactly, but it sounds like you give the award to blogs that have less than 200 followers.

Kristy mostly blogs about her work as a zoo dentist, and she has some awesome pics of tiger cavities and hippo root canals. Be warned, though, very graphic.

Thanks Kristy! I have a hilarious joke to add right here, in invisible ink.                                .

So blog awards always come with rules and stuff, but I feel weak and possibly am in fugue state.

I owe cynthia something, after the whole butt paddles incident (like I said, I flog dead horses).

So I'll give her BOTH awards.

Here, Cynthia, take them.

And thanks to everyone who reads this blog, comments, follows, and all the rest. It is the most attention I have ever gotten for anything, and I am very grateful for it.


  1. Why is there a turd on your forehead in that picture? That probably explains why you don't get the job unless you're applying as a sewage worker at which point I'm thinking that's a bonus point.

  2. Thee foist thing I thought of half way through reading your post was the line from The Arnold movie Kindergarten Cop, "maybe its a tumor", but then I thought maybe its worse than that, maybe there are three tumors, which would be k-nown as "two more tumors". Perhaps you are not drinkeding enough? Perhaps you are drinkeding too much? Titration is the key to life, but being chemist, that is the sort of nonsense sounding thing you can eXpect from me. Congratulations on the award stuff, yes soon you'll be a cult leader and all, just promise there won't be poisonous Kool-Aid.

  3. Your pituitary gland is *orange*?!

    Maybe get that checked out. It's always best to start fixing things that really don't matter -- leave the "important" stuff for later.

  4. Ja ja ja. Sheesh moopy. Affen hepper schmurken, des schmurken doo murfen. :P


  5. Moooog-Thats not a turd!! It's a photorealistic drawing of my eyebrows.....but, now that I look at it, I do see turd in there. Darn it.

    esboston-I believe I am well titrated, but I'm not certain.

    Alan-wait, orange is bad? What about g-string bikinis? am I gonna die?!?

    Ah, mir Burky!
    Teko flep. Ich hogle flechette. kwanza est bangles und der winger. duabter pheper tru daw un jarlsday.

  6. Your slut of a pituitary gland totes looks like a penis.

    It made me love the post all the more.

  7. I wanna slutty pituitary gland, instead of a lazy arsed one fueled by chocolate!

    Congrats on both awards. :0)

  8. How thrilled am I to be mentioned in a post that also contains a slutty pituitary gland? ALMOST as excited as I am to be compared to a tattooed lady of yore that one could ogle for a nickel. (Be still my black, tattooed heart, yo.)

    Dude... it would cost you at LEAST a quarter to ogle me. Just so you know.

    Thank you for spending at least a moment on the Dark Side to enjoy my smutty blog!!


  9. Oh... the blog is Facebooking From The Edge. My blog address is deathbycupcakes01. I have no idea why.

  10. Don't expect any attention from me!

    Oh . . .


  11. It's so nice that you are finally getting the recognition this blog deserves.

    I'm gonna check out both of the ones you link, they sound like stuff I'd like.
    Off in a matter of hours - hope your guest post brings a few more readers over.
    I bet by the time I get back you have thousands.

    See you next year :)xx

  12. I see that you have been honoured good and hard!

  13. Mary-What? No it doesn't.....wait a second, weren't you the one who said my cats looked phallic too? I see what's going on here:
    any picture + Mary's interpretation of the world around her = phallus
    conversely, Mary + all wieners 4 ever

    lily- you can probably have mine, I am guessing from her picture that anatomical fidelity is not one of her strong suits. At this point I have no idea what I am talking about

    killer cupcake-you're welcome!

    The Jules-hah! You just can't resist me, heh heh...heh... .....heh.... can't stop typing heh

    gia-thanks little green alligator!

    dirtycowgirl-have a good trip! Um, I might have misrepresented those two blogs. Just a bit though. I doubt thousands...maybe three or something

    feryxlim-you make receiving blog awards sound so painful and invasive

  14. Ok, I am so confused. You said this was the most attention you ever got for anything (writing the blog), but I seem to remember something about you bullying bigger kids and then losing on the playground (I think this is actually called the opposite of bullying, maybe victiming?) so I would've thought you'd have received a lot of attention from that (or at least from the school counselor when you were growing up)? No matter, I think you are an awesome writer/ artist/ blogger and I am pretty sure that is all that matters in life (that is what I keep telling myself anyway, could be wrong).


  15. I would like to add to Mary's comment to say that also, your brain looks like balls. Congratulations on the awards!

  16. "I owe cynthia something"
    Wow, you don't even capitalize her name when you type it anymore.


  17. Holy Cow, Gweenie - look at you all growed up. (:

  18. Silly brain! You know smoking makes you "bring up". Lemme get that cigarette out jo hand.

  19. Between your beard issues, and your *steaming* pile of eyebrows/shit I can't help but imagine you look something like Duff Goldman. (Ace of cakes! Holla!)

    Thanks for not mentioning that years of tiger dentistry has left me with only 7 fingers. I'm still a bit sensitive about that.

  20. I want to see your brain dissected (in pictures) for another post. Love the Hugh Hefner brain - with the fag. Love your steaming pile of eyebrows!!

  21. Yay!!! Congratulations on your major award(s)
    :) :) :) !!!

  22. Awwwwwwwww! I'm so damn touched..I'm going to write you something about pinworms and buttpaddles tomorrow. I can't promise it will be funny but I'll try..XO