Man, I hate the post I did yesterday.
Especially the title.
Putting (sorry) after a really stupid and obvious joke doesn't make it right.
Anyways, I have crippling social anxiety.
If there a social event coming up, I dissolve into dread.
If there is awkwardness anywhere in a room, I sense it immediately and feel fully responsible.
When I could drink, it was better
But now, it's not good.
In social situations, I quietly build internal pressure while the people around me talk.
Think of something relevant! Think of something witty! Think of something empathic! Stop being a fat mute! Stop being a fat mute!
When words finally burst forth, they are usually manic, irrelevant, and sometimes inappropriate.
Worst of all, there is no sense of relief afterwards.
Just stabbing pangs of embarrassment and self-loathing.
All I can do is run and hide in my blanket fort.