Monday, October 24, 2011

Prayer for my dignity

I beg thee, Lord, to strike me down, if my default expression ever becomes open-mouthed.



If little children ever again ask me why I have squishy parts like a girl whilst pointing at my chest.

If I ever leer openly at the Michelin tire man whilst driving past him, almost causing an accident, in the same manner that the man in front of me in a white pick-up truck did today.



If I ever make myself vomit all over and fill my pants with considerable amounts of booboo in order to get out of walking on a treadmill, like a student did today.


AMEN.

16 comments:

  1. Have I ever mentioned how much you make me appreciate my boring-ass desk job? Now I just have to remind myself that, while I must deal with a lot of shit, at least it isn't literal.

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  2. oh my gosh, that last one is distressingly nasty! i'm guessing you let him off the hook?

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  3. lilkittin- I am glad that I can help you enjoy your life more. It is why I am here.

    SherilinR- yeah..you can't run too good on a slippery treadmill

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  4. If the dude was willing to vomit--one of my deepest fears--in order to not go onto the treadmill, then my assessment is that he deserved the break. In my brain that's the equivalent of cutting off my hand in order to avoid having to practice the piano or something. I think it shows gusto and determination. Mixed with crazy.

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  5. I agree with the weed.

    Not the first time I've said that, that's for sure.

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  6. Or was it that weed agrees with me....?

    I dunno, must be the munchies talking.

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  7. I like the stripes in the doodoo. Nice touch.

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  8. I think there should be a movie about your life.

    A Stephen King movie.

    (That was meant as a compliment.)

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  9. That Michelin Tire Man is pretty dang awesome though...

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  10. Those are some mighty sexy short-shorts you got there!

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  11. the weed- No! Extreme behaviors are not acceptable ways to avoid non-preferred tasks- as an educator, I must push through the poop and barf to teach the little child inside it. It is my duty.
    dirtycowgirl- don't do drugs.
    Mandy-thank you for acknowledging my massive talent and eye for detail
    esboston- I would never let Stephen King do a movie of my life because his head is too oddly shaped
    krouth-yes, that's true. I guess...I guess that guy was probably right on.
    opulent trombone-yay! I was hoping someone would notice my workout clothes! You are my new best friend.

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  12. Vomitty-poo dude is halfway there on the magical self-esteem-boosting path to weightloss!

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  13. the jules- now if he could just use the treadmill while doing that other stuff....the perfect weightloss formula would be his

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  14. @ the weed--i cried when i read your comment. that's hilarious. and i totally agree. i will always choose the treadmill over vomiting, 100% of the time, as well.

    another hilarious post. so glad i don't have to deal with poopy students. i just deal with women who talk about vagina plugs and not wanting to have anymore kids, whilst their kids scream in the background.

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  15. ronetta- What do you do for a living?! I guess I am lucky that no one here ever talks about anatomical plugs of any kind.

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  16. Catching up on older posts. That last scene was hysterical. I like your shocked expression. My domestic partner asked why I was laughing, so I read the sound effects for the vomshit out loud.

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