Monday, October 31, 2011

....And Boy Are My Arms Tired HA HA HA

One of my students (this originally said "student's" but JRose claims there are rules about apostrophe usage's) always tells me I should be a comedian.
She should know, too, because her favorite movie is the brilliant satire 'Vampires Suck'.
So I took her suggestion, but instead of trying to think of good jokes, I just tried to think of a lot of jokes really fast. 
I found out that those two things are not really the same thing at all.


17 comments:

  1. Hahaha! If I had a nickel for every time I accidentally peed on a kid! Come to think of it, I'd actually only have 5 cents. BUT, it is comforting to know that I'm not the only one that has done that.

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  2. Jeremy- I am so glad I am not alone! Maybe we can get together and pee all over our children.

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  3. and i thought i was bad because on my first day as a nanny, i accidentally bit one little kid's finger & drew blood. at least i didn't pee on her.

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  4. SherilinR- why is the nanny putting the children's fingers in her mouth in the first place?

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  5. (me picking up phone and dialing)
    "Hello, is this social sevices?" I'd like to make a report...the name? Gweenbrick")

    So wrong, yet so bloody funny!!

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  6. lily- the ONLY reason this has never happened to you is because of the differing mechanics involved in the female urination process

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  7. It can happen, but it is really hard to convince the kid to get into the toilet in the first place.

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  8. You're just building up his immune system. At least it was your kid and not one of your students. Although.....you probably...hopefully...wouldn't be whipping it out in front of one of your students.

    Any good Halloween costumes today?

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  9. Mary- oh yes, I have probiotic urine.
    Let's see....nope. I've never exposed myself to any students, other than getting changed in the pool locker room...and that was done swiftly and without perverse lingering.
    The students dressed up last Friday, so today they have returned to their normal mismatched attire.

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  10. JRose- I know what you mean, you have to throw some candy down in there or something, or tell them their favorite lego guy is going down the hole of no return and only a small child's whole body can retrieve him

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  11. You could change your act to one where you pee on a volunteer's child whilst telling jokes on stage.

    People applaud multi-tasking.

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  12. This post is really meant to disguise the fact that you have bugs on the other side of your toilet, isn't it? dude, call an exterminator, or clean your bathroom once in a while. And as for Jules, I was about to be VERY offended about the whole "peeing on a volunteer" thing mentioned because I just volunteered at my son's school the other day. But then (you are off the hook now Jules, whoever you may be) I re-read it and realized it said "volunteer's CHILD." So that makes it okay.

    best,
    MOV
    ps-- what if you lived in Italy? pointing to the boots on your feet to show current residence? what if you wore sandals that day?

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  13. What R U searching for? R U happy in your life, Gweenbrick? r u? R U though?

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  14. the jules- that is a terrible idea. Really tasteless.

    MOV-I bet you at least one Italian has done that.

    Steamme- R U trying to refute my dumb joke? R U?

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  15. I (think) that your first sentence is ironically cool because (maybe, I'm not completely sure) the word "usage's" isn't supposed to have the apostrophe in it. But we'll need to consult Jodee Rose to be sure. I'm justa chemist, computer scientist and comedian, not an English major.

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  16. And how many times did your little man-child wee on you while re-diapering the little beggar?

    Oh, and you're using the wrong hand to illustrate Michigan anatomical GPS. The preferred usage is the palm of one's right hand, the back of the left hand only when one is an amputee.

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  17. bad rusty-that's true, there is a sort of urinary karmic wheel at work here
    I knew I messed up the hand after I posted it, but I was too lazy to redraw it-because it is such a detailed drawing of a hand.
    Now I really am tempted to draw an amputee pointing out where they live in michigan, thanks for filling my imagination with insensitive thoughts

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