He is 6"6 and all gummy smiles.
Easily one of the smartest I've worked with.
Kids ask for help on anything computer-related and he is over there before staff can even put their coffee down and sigh heavily.
But this Wizard has a fatal flaw.
He wants to knuckle bump me all day long.
Every time I walk in the room. Or walk back and forth through the doorway.
Even if he sees me from thirty feet away.
I brought my concerns to my doctor.
He looked at my hands and took off his glasses, like doctors do in movies.
Then he tried to make out with me.
I never finished what I was saying yesterday about dishonest drawings of my teeth.
Anyways, I draw a full set of chompers but actually I have had some of my wisdom teeth pulled.
One of them I had pulled at the Dental School, which is were you go when you don't have any money but you think there might be a problem in your mouth.
They are so happy to see you.
About ten students crowded around me.
Two kids gave me a giant shot in my mouth and I started to feel funny.
Then they proceeded to beat my face into submission with Fisher-Price My First Dentist tools for three hours.
I was in a state of drugged out helplessness.
After it was all over, they told me not to suck on any straws or anything for three days, otherwise I would lose my clot.
They forgot how stupid I was, and neglected to tell me a cigarette is a straw you light on fire.
Inside my mouth:
And outside my mouth:
I didn't realize that gangrene looked so much like Christmas cookie sprinkles. I'm gonna have to pay closer attention this year when my Mom brings over her "so called" holiday cookies... I might just slap the cookie tray right out of her hands. "No gangrene for me today Mommy Dearest!!!"
ReplyDeleteYour most rambling post yet. And by rambling I mean "hilarious"!
ReplyDeleteI went to Hair Salon School to have them cut my hair, because, you know, I'm poor and all (with a dash of cheap thrown in).
ReplyDeleteTHREE. HOURS. (count them) LATER.
and they were finally done. Yes, I said "they" as it was indeed a group effort. What kind of complicated haircut did I have, pray tell? Straight long hair, blunt cut, with bangs. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo difficult (apparently). I avoided having them color my hair, as I would prefer to not have to stay overnight and forgot my sleeping bag anyway.
The dentist things sounds even worse. I am loving the escapee kamikaze "clot," maybe he can be friends with my (former) split ends ... they are ALL going to a better place (and without us, I might add).
best,
MOV
a.k.a. Power Princess (or is that Powder? or Prowler? I need to pay better attention. Note to self: Pay better ... what were we talking about?)
GENIUS!!
ReplyDeleteOHHHH my goodness...i almost had a seizure from laughing so hard at work at my desk and trying to stifle it.
ReplyDeletecomedy gold.
-ronetta
You could sell that dental-school trainee picture on t-shirts. I'd buy it. Love, the Recovering Marketing Guru
ReplyDeleteTeeth clots hate smokers. They are like dental hipsters that think they are too good to hang out in your mouth (heh heh) until your face isn't all swelly.
ReplyDeletekrouth- but they taste like aged jerky
ReplyDeletealan-I am so glad those words are interchangeable
MOV- Clot and The Split Ends-the superhero team nobody wanted
lily-thanks!
Thanks ronetta, and thanks for the follow-are you eating a pixie stick in your profile picture?
marianne- that would be so weird and flattering to see someone wearing something I drew
What is it with medical professionals (or professionals in training) wanting to make out with you? The unibrow must have some special power over anyone with initials after their name. (beware you esq.s out there)
ReplyDeletekelly-it is because I sprinkle yohimbe and horny goat weed all over my face every morning-by the time my skin is no longer burning, I am become irresistible
ReplyDeleteWeird. A friend was just telling me about how a bearded woman behind the counter at a liquor store told him he had a "purty mouth."
ReplyDeleteI think my 2nd favorite word combo was the "knuckle structure", don't recall ever seeing them side-by-side before.
ReplyDeleteWonderful wonderful blog
ReplyDeletesupercrazyrobots- oh, there's lots of us out there with purty mouths; and no shortage of admirers to point it out
ReplyDeleteesbboston- that's my old creative writing degree coming out-still back there in the brain whispering things like 'alliteration' and 'onomatopoeia'
shelly- thanks, shelly!
LOOOOOOLLLL
ReplyDeletethat is all
This is hilarious, as usual!
ReplyDeleteYour doctor seems to be floating as he makes out with you. I think he might be Voldemort. Just wanted to warn you. But you might be relieved to know that you were just feeling his wand in his pocket!
ReplyDelete(I feel like you might have mentioned in a previous post that you do not get Harry Potter references. For that, I am sorry.)
I enjoyed every bit of it, thank you very much.
ReplyDelete"A cigarette is a straw you light on fire."
ReplyDeleteA burning straw of happiness, you mean.
This is too funny. I'll have to post it at my clinic. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI didn't understand the comic at all. The drawings look like it was made from Microsoft paint.
ReplyDeleteBut, they are MS Paint comics. So gweenbrick, how is your smoked clot? Lol!
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A small fix in the drawing board could really help this dental-inspired comics to hit the shelves.
ReplyDeleteWow very funny story! The illustrations made the story more funnier. How's your teeth now by the way? Knucks bro!
ReplyDeleteVery funny story. I love how the graphics are so simplistic and yet so funny.
ReplyDeleteHe thinks he is kind of cool doing all that knuckle thing. Oh well let him be. Nice MSPaint illustrations by the way!
ReplyDeleteI didn't get the knuckle joke but the illustration is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI did not get he joke as well. But anyways, I enjoyed the illustrations.
ReplyDeleteIt is a typical day in a dental clinic. What I don't get is why you guys don't get it? He made a lot of effort using MSPaint in there.
DeleteAwesome MS Paint Skills! Well worth of a post on 9gag or other meme related sites.
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ReplyDeleteI love the laughing gas and I always ask for it up to now. http://www.home-info.net
ReplyDeletemaybe this way is necessary for this
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Thanks for good share!
ReplyDelete