Thursday, October 20, 2011

All things teeth and knuckles

We have a new student.

He is 6"6 and all gummy smiles.

Easily one of the smartest I've worked with.

Kids ask for help on anything computer-related and he is over there before staff can even put their coffee down and sigh heavily.

But this Wizard has a fatal flaw.

He wants to knuckle bump me all day long.

Every time I walk in the room. Or walk back and forth through the doorway.

Even if he sees me from thirty feet away.

I have noticed some unusual wear and tear to my knuckle structure.

I brought my concerns to my doctor.

He looked at my hands and took off his glasses, like doctors do in movies.

Then he tried to make out with me.
Hey that reminds me.

I never finished what I was saying yesterday about dishonest drawings of my teeth.

Anyways, I draw a full set of chompers but actually I have had some of my wisdom teeth pulled.

One of them I had pulled at the Dental School, which is were you go when you don't have any money but you think there might be a problem in your mouth.

They are so happy to see you.

About ten students crowded around me.

Two kids gave me a giant shot in my mouth and I started to feel funny.

Then they proceeded to beat my face into submission with Fisher-Price My First Dentist tools for three hours.

I was in a state of drugged out helplessness.

After it was all over, they told me not to suck on any straws or anything for three days, otherwise I would lose my clot.

They forgot how stupid I was, and neglected to tell me a cigarette is a straw you light on fire.

Inside my mouth:

And outside my mouth:


  1. I didn't realize that gangrene looked so much like Christmas cookie sprinkles. I'm gonna have to pay closer attention this year when my Mom brings over her "so called" holiday cookies... I might just slap the cookie tray right out of her hands. "No gangrene for me today Mommy Dearest!!!"

  2. Your most rambling post yet. And by rambling I mean "hilarious"!

  3. I went to Hair Salon School to have them cut my hair, because, you know, I'm poor and all (with a dash of cheap thrown in).

    THREE. HOURS. (count them) LATER.

    and they were finally done. Yes, I said "they" as it was indeed a group effort. What kind of complicated haircut did I have, pray tell? Straight long hair, blunt cut, with bangs. Sooooooooooooooooooooooo difficult (apparently). I avoided having them color my hair, as I would prefer to not have to stay overnight and forgot my sleeping bag anyway.

    The dentist things sounds even worse. I am loving the escapee kamikaze "clot," maybe he can be friends with my (former) split ends ... they are ALL going to a better place (and without us, I might add).

    a.k.a. Power Princess (or is that Powder? or Prowler? I need to pay better attention. Note to self: Pay better ... what were we talking about?)

  4. OHHHH my goodness...i almost had a seizure from laughing so hard at work at my desk and trying to stifle it.

    comedy gold.


  5. You could sell that dental-school trainee picture on t-shirts. I'd buy it. Love, the Recovering Marketing Guru

  6. Teeth clots hate smokers. They are like dental hipsters that think they are too good to hang out in your mouth (heh heh) until your face isn't all swelly.

  7. krouth- but they taste like aged jerky

    alan-I am so glad those words are interchangeable

    MOV- Clot and The Split Ends-the superhero team nobody wanted


    Thanks ronetta, and thanks for the follow-are you eating a pixie stick in your profile picture?

    marianne- that would be so weird and flattering to see someone wearing something I drew

  8. What is it with medical professionals (or professionals in training) wanting to make out with you? The unibrow must have some special power over anyone with initials after their name. (beware you esq.s out there)

  9. kelly-it is because I sprinkle yohimbe and horny goat weed all over my face every morning-by the time my skin is no longer burning, I am become irresistible

  10. Weird. A friend was just telling me about how a bearded woman behind the counter at a liquor store told him he had a "purty mouth."

  11. I think my 2nd favorite word combo was the "knuckle structure", don't recall ever seeing them side-by-side before.

  12. supercrazyrobots- oh, there's lots of us out there with purty mouths; and no shortage of admirers to point it out

    esbboston- that's my old creative writing degree coming out-still back there in the brain whispering things like 'alliteration' and 'onomatopoeia'

    shelly- thanks, shelly!

  13. Your doctor seems to be floating as he makes out with you. I think he might be Voldemort. Just wanted to warn you. But you might be relieved to know that you were just feeling his wand in his pocket!

    (I feel like you might have mentioned in a previous post that you do not get Harry Potter references. For that, I am sorry.)

  14. I enjoyed every bit of it, thank you very much.

  15. "A cigarette is a straw you light on fire."

    A burning straw of happiness, you mean.

  16. This is too funny. I'll have to post it at my clinic. Thanks for sharing!

  17. I didn't understand the comic at all. The drawings look like it was made from Microsoft paint.

    1. But, they are MS Paint comics. So gweenbrick, how is your smoked clot? Lol!

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  18. A small fix in the drawing board could really help this dental-inspired comics to hit the shelves.

  19. Wow very funny story! The illustrations made the story more funnier. How's your teeth now by the way? Knucks bro!

  20. Very funny story. I love how the graphics are so simplistic and yet so funny.

  21. He thinks he is kind of cool doing all that knuckle thing. Oh well let him be. Nice MSPaint illustrations by the way!

  22. I didn't get the knuckle joke but the illustration is awesome.

  23. I did not get he joke as well. But anyways, I enjoyed the illustrations.

    1. It is a typical day in a dental clinic. What I don't get is why you guys don't get it? He made a lot of effort using MSPaint in there.

    2. Awesome MS Paint Skills! Well worth of a post on 9gag or other meme related sites.

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  25. I love the laughing gas and I always ask for it up to now.