Monday, August 1, 2011

This is a food blog!

As mentioned here, I have a strong interest in becoming a Blog of Note, specifically because I want to add that title to my vitae

However, a perusal of recent noted blogs shows a specific bias towards certain types of blogs; one specific area of bias seems to be towards food and cooking related blogs.

Never one to resist a good case of me-tooitis, I am changing Gweenbrick to now be about food and cooking.
I am going to start with a favorite recipe of mine.

Tarty Skillets

Rather than provide you with an ingredient list, I will force you to read the entirety of the directions to see what you will actually need. Please pay attention.

The heart of the Tarty Skillet is that pillar of culinary edifice, the Pop-Tart.

I leave the particular flavor up to the discretion of the chef, but for my example here I used "Cherry Sprinkles".

To begin, julienne the Pop-Tarts carefully; try to minimize the amount of crumbling.
Here in the country, we like to make our own baking grease by rendering fat into tallow. Not only is this a healthy alternative to products like Crisco, but it also adds a wonderful porcine flavor to your meals. 
Now every chef is different, but let me share with you my personal philosophy. 
I feel that presentation during the cooking process is much more important than after. 
This way, you can feel like you are making something beautiful each step of the way, as opposed to only for a few seconds right before you serve the food. That presentation seems rather wasted since your guests are about to shovel it all into their mouths. Of course, no one sees the painstaking presentation you apply during the actual cooking except for you, but I like to think of it as a little secret. Tee-hee.
The Pop-Tarts are now perched happily on a bed of tallow, with a drizzle of ketchup along the middle.

Ketchup is a genius condiment, really, because it has so many different seasonings in it that it is basically a substitute for all seasoning, sort of an 'all-spice' if you will.

Here in my kitchen, healthy, natural ingredients are priority number one. That is why we use Schumann's Sugar Free Ketchup. 
Schumann's-for those times when you don't want something to taste like ketchup. 

Here is where things are going to get a little wild, but you'll have to trust me:
Slap on the marinated mushrooms. Really.
The spongy texture of the mushroom is the perfect offset to the crunch of the Pop-Tart, and the brine of the marinade plays delightfully with the sweet of the Tart frosting.

We like to marinade our own mushrooms in the briny soup of our water softener tank, but an off-the-shelf product will do in a pinch.
If you have the means, this is really the way to go. Coarse rock salt and well water make a fantastic medium for drawing out all manner of hidden flavors.

Assembled in the skillet, you should now be looking at kind of a spine shape. Glue the sides with natural peanut butter and crown with a free-range chicken egg-you are ready to cook!

Everyone has their own approach to times and temperatures, so this recipe gives you plenty of freedom when it comes to actually cooking the meal. 
I personally like to wander off and get involved with something else, go to the bathroom,  check email, etc. until I smell very strong smells and hear very loud hissing and popping from overheated grease. 
Regardless, you just want to be sure to pull the skillet off before it turns completely black.
Set it aside, let it cool, garnish with a few petals of garlic clove skin, and serve with confidence.
It's delicious time!!!!!!!

Give it a try, and please let me know of any particularly tasty variants you come across.
Thanks for reading!


  1. I am laughing my ass off & will be forwarding this link.

  2. Marianne, if you serve this to your children, please let me know which aspect of it is their favorite.

  3. I just made my husband read this. His reponse? "That's f&*ckin' awesome." I had to add a link to my own blog so let me know if you get any more traffic!

  4. Wow. I mean, seriously, that looks heavenly. Mmmm.

  5. I gotta be honest this sounds absolutely disgusting (I hate mushrooms. And Pop-Tarts.), but the Fiesta Ware plate its sitting on in the picture is a pretty shade of blue.

  6. This is FABULOUS! I mean, gag-worthy, but fabulous!