Wednesday, July 20, 2011

#3 From the Desk of Jeffrey

I notice Jeffrey has his hand in his pocket and seems to be spending an inordinate amount of time moving it around in there. 
"Hey, get your hand out," I tell him.
He mumbles to himself, "If you keep playing with your calculator, you'll be in trouble." Then he laughs in his very quiet, almost half-hearted but most certainly maniacal way.
I decide to pursue this one.
"You have a calculator in your pocket?"
"Yes I do." He produces a black, Dollar Store quality calculator from his pocket and displays it for me with pride.

Throughout the day, Jeffrey constantly types on the calculator, mumbles to himself, laughs a little, and then types some more.
I ask him what he is doing.
"The calculator tells me stuff."
"Like what?"
"What am I going to do tonight?"
"It tells you what to do?"
"Yep." He just stares at me for a minute. "It says go home and exercise and get some energy in my legs."
Then he feverishly types some more and begins to laugh.
"Now what did it say?"
"It told me a joke riddle. Just a naughty joke. Just a clean joke."
"What is the joke?"
"I can't say it, I don't want to get in trouble."
I assure him he will not get in trouble. 
"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
"The calculator said that?" I ask.
"Yep. Why did the chicken cross the road?" He is already giggling and I worry he will not get the punchline out. But he manages.
"To get to the other side and get the eggs of course!" 
He immediately stops laughing.

Now I have to ask:
"What does the calculator's voice sound like?"
His face gets very tight and serious.
"Like a microphone....inside of a calculator."

Jeffrey types some more on his calculator, and stares for awhile at its little LCD rectangle display.
"Look at that," he whispers, a note of awe in his voice.
That was yesterday.

This morning, the calculator is back.
"I'm keeping this in my pocket today so I don't get in trouble," Jeffrey says.
"Did the calculator tell you any more jokes?" I ask him.
"Yep. It said, 'Why did I go to bed last night? Because I wanted to!"
He does not laugh, and neither do I.


  1. Did Jeffrey ever imitate the voice of the calculator? I'm curious....

  2. No. But that would have been pretty good.

  3. That calculator needs some new joke riddles....naughty jokes. clean jokes.